


Endless Nights

by SaberNezumi



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Based on Black Eagles Route, Canon-Typical Violence, F!Byleth, F/F, Family is the friends we made along the way, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Post-Time Skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 14:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20292892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaberNezumi/pseuds/SaberNezumi
Summary: Five years.Five years of a war that seem destined to last for generations.Five years of nightmares that she can't control.Five years since she vanished...Edelgard's condition worsens when she fails to fall asleep due to terrible nightmares that plague her mind. The other members of the Black Eagles set out to help her, while everyone awaits for the return of the only person they know that could turn the tides of the war.





	Endless Nights

Nightmares had always made Edelgard company, every time she closed her eyes and sleep took hold of her. Especially on moonless nights, when a suffocating darkness surrounded the monastery. Without fail, she dreamed how the cold stone of that dark dungeon numbed her limbs, making each of the scars that covered her skin hurt. Over the years, she had managed to keep those unpleasant dreams under control, she no longer woke up with the cover of her pillow soaked in tears. Or at least that is what she’d believed until recently.

For a few months now, Edelgard had woke up screaming. The dreams were no longer just visions of that dungeon, the rats that sometimes tried to nibble her bare feet or the terrible experiments conducted on her body. The hands of those who inflicted so much pain on her body were no longer those of the ones who experimented on her so long ago, but Rhea's delicate fingers, tearing apart her skin with her nails. Or were they claws? Her guttural voice, full of hate, reveling in her desperation. And suddenly, the dream transformed into a cruel vision. She saw herself again on that battlefield, in the middle of the same ancient walls that now served as their base of operations. And a few meters away from her, her beloved teacher, standing between her students and the true face of the Church, that bloodthirsty beast. Every night, she went over those exact seconds in her dreams. The brutal force of the Immaculate One’s roar piercing their ears, stifling the cry of warning that came from her lips. The figure of Byleth, so tiny before that being, looking at her for the last time before preparing to receive the attack of their enemy. And then... then...

It was her own voice that filled the room in the form of an anguishing scream, the name of the one she missed so much echoing in the long hallway on the second floor. And like every night, she got no answer other than the same indifferent silence. This is how Edelgard had spent these last months, unable to fall asleep for enough time to rest what was necessary. The guilt gnaws her, since that day when they reached the disturbing conclusion that their army could no longer spend more resources in a search that was not bearing fruit.

Against all logic, Edelgard's heart knew that her teacher was still somewhere, but she couldn’t ask her subordinates and part of her army to insist on searching every corner of Fódlan, even those considered hostile territory, when no one had evidence that Byleth survived her confrontation with the demon that was now hiding in Faerghus.

Two knocks on her room’s door interrupted the thread of memories that threatened to fill her eyes with tears again. Edelgard remained silent, waiting, until Hubert's voice asking if she needed anything reached her ears. The ill-concealed tone of concern in his voice made her feel ashamed of the weakness taking over her heart.

She didn’t answer. Hubert didn’t insist either. Covering almost completely with her sheets, Edelgard closed her eyes, even though she knew that the sleep wouldn’t come again. The occasions when she managed to have a full night's sleep were so scarce now.

* * *

It was in the middle of a battle in the limits with the territories of House Charon when those sleepless nights began to pass the bill. It was about to be a year since the Empire captured Garreg Mach Monastery and the war seemed to have stalled in an endless series of clashes whose only result was lost lives by both sides, without a clear winner. Edelgard tried to raise her voice above the chaos of battle, giving orders to her battalions without letting morale decline; Caspar followed her closely and repeated each of them with his big voice, in an effort to reach as many allies as possible. She could hear the screams of her soldiers, their last breaths, exclamations of perseverance, the sound of a body collapsing hard on the floor. While she was leaving another enemy in her path, she could hear even crying... there were always cries of despair and desolation. Her muscles ached, they seemed to be at their limit; her lungs burned from the amount of dirt and smoke in the battlefield. The outbreak of a spell, too close for her taste, disoriented Edelgard for a few seconds, enough so that another Kingdom soldier tried to seize the opportunity to end her right there, and thus possibly end the war.

Her muscles didn’t respond as fast as she would have liked, but Petra's did. For a moment her vision was interrupted by the glare of the sun and the adjoining fire reflected in a sea of violet hair. Blood splattered the soldier's face, igniting the expression of fury in his eyes, as his spear sank further into his victim's chest. In response, the future queen of Brigid spit blood on her aggressor's face, before plunging her own sword into his abdomen. In a single movement, the soldier was on the ground at the feet of the two, bleeding as life escaped from his eyes. Petra's body collapsed in Edelgard's arms immediately after the princess was sure that the soldier no longer presented any threat to Her Majesty.

Time seemed to stop suddenly.

“Dorothea! Linhardt!”, Edelgard didn’t know if they could distinguish her voice among so many others, or see them among all the smoke, the earth and the battalions engaged in their own fights. "Petra, Petra, stay with me..." she pleaded, but Edelgard could tell how Petra had a harder time keeping her eyes open.

Her friend's blood mixed with the red of her battle armor, running between her fingers, with which she tried to stop the bleeding, unsuccessfully. Amidst the chaos, a lancer mounted on a pegasus made an appearance, carried the symbol of Faerghus on her mount. Without thinking, Edelgard raised her shield, ready to defend them both from the impending attack. But it never came, on the contrary, the spear was deflected to the side by an axe of steel, that then fell with all its weight on the rider, throwing her to the ground, inert, in the middle of a deafening scream by her attacker.

“Caspar! We need someone who can cure her. Quick!”, she ordered. Edelgard would thank him for saving them later, now her only mission was to resist until help arrived. Caspar reacted immediately, running toward the east flank of the battlefield.

Carefully, Edelgard left Petra on the floor, with her hands pressing the wound and Edelgard’s shield partially covering her body. She picked up Aymr from the ground and held the relic's handle between her fingers, feeling its weight, while the power of the Crest of Seiros spread through her chest. She could feel it perfectly and hated it, but it was a necessary evil, she knew it well. Edelgard would not allow anyone else to hurt Petra, much less let her die without returning to her homeland. She wouldn’t suffer any more for her cause, for acting in her defense. She bit her lip until it bleed. That was not the time to think about a certain person.

The first attack came from the left, a sword. She dodged the soldier's weapon easily and the edge of her axe fell on his back, denting his armor in the process, leaving him unable to breathe on the ground. Immediately, a spear got stuck in part of her relic. After the initial surprise, Edelgard pulled the weapon to lure the owner of it. Using her hand axe, she buried its blade in the neck of her opponent, and while blood splattered from her arteries, staining her face and armor, she used the soldier's body to protect herself from the arrows of which she was being target. One, two, three arrows. As soon as she saw an opening, she released the soldier's body and threw her axe toward the archer who was attacking her. It hit part of his face, which was enough to leave him incapacitated for the moment. With no time to waste, she removed the spear that had been stuck in her relic and used it to defend them against an imminent mage's attack. Edelgard thanked that their armor was almost non-existent. The tip of the spear reached his chest without much difficulty. Beside her she heard a weak groan from Petra. She looked around, but only saw enemies closing each flank around them.

"I must resist, I must resist, I must resist ..."

It was Dorothea's soft hands that brought her back to reality. Those hands that had rarely seen a battle until their owner decided to get involved with her. Edelgard wondered how many more people she would drag along this bloody path; how many would fall in the name of her and her sins. Dorothea's hands rested on one of hers, which still firmly held the handle of her relic.

"Petra... Petra needs...!", this time it was one of Dorothea's fingers on her still bleeding lips that kept her silent. That and noticing how her friend's hands were stained with blood as she caressed her face. And it wasn't exactly blood that belonged to either of them.

“Linhardt is taking care her. Petra is badly injured, but she will recover”.

She let out a faint sigh of relief. Edelgard was going to turn around to continue the advance, but Dorothea stopped her, holding her in her arms. Her first instinct was to try to wriggle herself out, but those arms felt strangely warm. She was also aware at that time that the chaotic sounds of the fray had been replaced by that peculiar calm that occurs once the battle ends and they must begin to count how many of their allies have remained standing and take care of those who died in the name of the Empire’s cause.

“Charon's soldiers have taken shelter behind the castle walls. Edie..."

Beyond Dorothea's shoulders, Edelgard could see the landscape unfolding around her. Ingrid had arrived with her pegasus to take Petra to a safe place. Sylvain was preparing to go after her in his steed and was preparing Linhardt to come with him. Around her were the other members of the Black Eagles and allies, waiting for her orders. Somewhat further, what was left of their battalions awaited, ready to follow their commanders in a new onslaught if necessary. Edelgard felt the weight of her relic resting in one of her hands, which led her sight toward the ground. There lay her axe, clearly damaged, in the middle of the space that separated the head of a enemy soldier from the rest of his body. There were several more bodies that seemed to surround her. She didn't even remember facing so many.

“It’s not time to insist. We will return to Garreg Mach, heal our wounds and honor those who are no longer with us”, was the only thing she managed to say. Hubert took Aymr from her hands and assured her that a blacksmith would repair it as soon as they had the chance.

That day the road back to the outpost was silent. She didn’t protest when Dorothea rode the same horse as her and held her in her arms as the evening gave way to the night. Amid the mountains that acted as a natural boundary between the grounds of the Alliance and the Kingdom of Faerghus, Edelgard added a new scene to her nightmares. The moment a spear pierced Petra's thorax, but this time the princess's eyes didn't open again.

* * *

In the following days, each night she woke up screaming and with her body covered in a cold and unpleasant sweat; and without delay, a few minutes later, she would hear to Hubert's footsteps approaching from his room and the same two knocks at her door, followed by his voice tinged with a misguided concern, she told herself, asking if she needed anything. Edelgard never answered, she was deeply ashamed of not being able to control her nightmares. All the progress she had made since her childhood had vanished with Byleth's smile in a flash of fire.

The seventh night that Hubert knocked on her door, Edelgard decided it would be rude to ignore him for much longer.

“Hubert, wait for me in front of the greenhouse. I want to discuss our next movements”. After a few seconds, she heard her advisor's steps walking down the stairs, while she dressed to march toward the main building of the monastery.

Hubert said nothing that night about the reason why the two were in that peculiar situation, walking at such hours of the morning in front of the bedrooms on the first floor. Edelgard clenched her fists when she passed the last room. She hastened the pace without even noticing the lump that formed in her throat. It wasn’t the time to think about how long that room had been locked, empty, still with certain class notes never taught on the small wooden desk inside.

Although somewhat surprised, and after assuring them that there was nothing to worry about, the soldiers who were on guard resigned themselves to only watched them pass, enter the hall and climb the stairs that led to the second floor. Between the two, they spent those hours of the morning reviewing the written reports about the last battle. Human and animal losses, the amount of materials that would be needed to repair damaged weapons or forge new ones, and, as it was already becoming customary, to cross out of the main map a certain border territory that had proved too complicated to cross. Neither was aware of the passage of time, until little by little the sun's rays found their way through the stained-glass windows that adorned the small room, the one that in its years as students had been known as the archbishop’s office.

The same scene repeated on the following nights, until the two had gone over, again and again, each plan and alternative solution for their confrontation with the Kingdom and their relationship with the Alliance. To the point that one of those nights, instead of discussing the best way to continue the war, the two met at the third-floor viewpoint, which by then was practically abandoned, to appreciate the clear sky and the stars that adorned the sky.

"Hubert, I can see the dark circles under your eyes... You don't have to do this, you know that”.

“I don't know what Her Majesty is talking about. It never hurts to discuss our next movements”.

"Something we can do during the day without problem”, Edelgard sighed and thought about her own reflection in the mirror, and how the lack of sleep reflected on her face, almost like another scar. "The Empire doesn’t need another commander that it’s not in the best conditions in the middle of battle”.

Hubert didn’t answer immediately. In the distance, the sound of the pegasus’s and wyvern’s wings, with which some riders stood guard, broke the night silence slightly. When he finally spoke, her advisor did so with an unusual gentle tone.

“Each of us will follow Her Majesty until the end, no matter what. Because we know her strength, her love for this land and its people. We believe in her and her cause is also ours”, Hubert took a few steps forward, giving her some more privacy at the words he would say next. "But it is Edelgard who worries us, the person behind de Emperor, if I may be honest”.

“I know, believe me… but please, I don't want you to worry. I’m already a burden big enough to impose myself on you like that”, she turned and headed back to her room without looking back. Hubert said nothing, nor did he walk after her to join her on the way back. He knew Edelgard very well to be certain when she wanted to be alone.

Edelgard wasn’t at all surprised that Hubert and the others didn’t follow that last order.

* * *

The next time she woke up screaming, she also heard a knock at her door a few minutes later. But it wasn't Hubert's gloomy face that appeared in front of her when she opened, but Ferdinand's radiant smile. The surprise left her speechless. The visitor, without giving her time to react, held at the height of her face the chess game that Byleth had given Edelgard a few months after their meeting, and that after her disappearance had been forgotten in the old classroom.

“How about we play some games? The best of three will have to prepare breakfast for the other”, Ferdinand's smile softened as he noticed how Edelgard managed to see directly through his intentions. "It won't be so easy as you’re thinking right now to beat me”.

"You don't have to do this, I don't need...", but Ferdinand didn't let her continue.

"Come on, I'll wait for you in the dining hall”. With that being said, the heir of House Aegir moved toward the stairs that led to the first floor.

They were tied when the light of dawn interrupted their third game. Edelgard was prepared to excuse herself to her room and was going to tell Ferdinand to do the same, that he could sleep till late today if he wanted to, since there wasn’t much work to do, but he was already on his way to the kitchen.

“What are you doing exactly?”, she tried to hide her disbelief, but failed.

"I've been improving my skills as a cook”, Ferdinand's laugh filled the room like a breeze of fresh air in spring. They no longer laughed as carelessly as before, but Edelgard would lie if she said she wasn’t enjoying that little moment together. Even if most of the time Ferdinand just exasperated her. “Don't put that face, I'm not as terrible as Dorothea says. Why don't you make some coffee while I cook these eggs?"

* * *

Three days later, it was Bernadetta who knocked on her door. Under the large blanket that covered her and protected her from the cold, Edelgard noticed that she had approached her room wearing only her sleeping clothes. She trembled a little and looked nervously at the darkness that reigned in the hallway. When Edelgard let her pass, Bernadetta apologized profusely for bothering her, and quietly began to wonder if perhaps this hadn’t been the best idea in the first place. While the girl was still engaged in that perpetual debate that seemed to occupy her mind, Edelgard lit the oil lamp she kept in her room and asked Bernadetta what she needed from her.

"Well, I heard... I couldn't sleep either and I wondered if...", from the bag she was carrying with her, Bernadetta took out a pair of balls of yarn dyed in beautiful blue tones, one of them was still connected to a half-finished fabric. Edelgard could also see inside the bag some pieces of unused fabrics, embroidered with delicate designs and different patterns. “When I can't get back to sleep, knitting a little helps me relax”, she finally said in a quiet murmur.

"But I am not very skilled to say the least”, Edelgard blushed a little, remembering all the occasions when some of the governesses in charge of her tried and failed to teach her to embroider even a simple pattern. "I wouldn't want to ruin such beautiful work".

"It's fine if you just hold the wool, Lady Edelgard”, Bernadetta gently put the ball attached to her fabric between Edelgard’s hands and smiled at her. "We will keep us company tonight”.

The rest of the hours, Edelgard was silent while Bernadetta talked about the flowers she was growing in the greenhouse, about the sketches she had drawn while they traveled around Fódlan, the way she avoided entangling the large amount of different threads that made up the somewhat more intricate designs in her works and, finally, she described the painting she was planning to make of some moor near the monastery. She had really fallen in love with how imposing the mountains looked in that place and how their slopes changed color during the afternoon hours. For a moment, Edelgard wanted to tell her about her own paintings too, but the words ended up stuck in her throat. Bernadetta noticed how Her Majesty's gaze was lost in the darkest corners of her room. Under the main desk she could see a couple of canvases. It wasn’t difficult to imagine what Edelgard had painted on them. Bernadetta had seen them before, although only for mere seconds, when she passed by her room a few days before they visited the Holy Tomb. All the canvases contained unfinished portraits of their missing teacher.

"Can you imagine what this is?", Bernadetta held her fabric in front of Edelgard's face. She examined it with curiosity, trying to understand the wool cylinder that seemed to constitute the main body and small flat terminations sew to its end and sides. "The only thing I could say for sure is that it’s some kind of doll”, she finally admitted.

"It's a fish”, Bernadetta explained. Edelgard's expression of surprise must have been evident enough, because the cheeks of the girl next to her blushed with an intense red that reached her ears. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but I just started it a few days ago!"

A slight laugh escaped Edelgard's lips and, contrary to what she had imagined, Bernadetta smiled sweetly in response. After the screams she heard coming from this room every certain amount of days, Bernadetta was glad to see part of the joy that seemed to have left Her Majesty in this last time, comeback even for a small moment.

“She liked to fish, right? Our teacher…”

Edelgard listened carefully. Bernadetta spoke of those mornings in which she used to get up before any other student, when the sun was barely rising above the mountains. Usually, she would head toward the dining hall to get something to eat that she could take back to her room and have breakfast without having to deal with a room full of students and their loud voices. It was on those peaceful mornings of their days at the Academy when she could see their teacher sitting on the edge of the small dock in front of the stairs that led to the dining hall, cane in hand and a fabric bag on one side, sometimes already with a pair of fish inside. There were times when Bernadetta lost sense of the time, admiring how calm the scene in front of her eyes made her feel. She would go down the stairs without making noise and hide behind the bushes in front of the greenhouse, to watch her teacher fish. The expression on her face was indecipherable, as always, but Bernadetta was sure that that slight curvature on her lips when the morning sun rays hit her face was a smile.

"There is no doubt in our hearts that one day our teacher will return”, Bernadetta touched with her fingers the stitches she had just made. "So, when that happens... I want to give her something familiar”.

It was an especially cold morning when, a few days after her conversation with Bernadetta, Edelgard woke up invaded by a strange sensation in her fingers. That discomfort only calmed down when she finally took into her hands one of the canvases that she hadn’t bothered to finish, and while the sun's rays sneaked into her room, she prepared to continue working in Byleth's portrait. For a moment she feared she had forgotten the more specific details of her dear teacher's face, but as she took one of her brushes and started spread paint over the blank spaces, Edelgard realized that she remembered them perfectly. She could see her in her mind without any problem... when she ran her fingers through the strokes that made up the hair of that woman who had made a home out of her heart, the desire to play with one of those strands was so intense that for a moment Edelgard was afraid she might cry.

* * *

Linhardt was the only one who didn’t approach her in the middle of the night, but one afternoon while the two were in charge of cleaning the library. They hadn't interacted much, Edelgard was the one in charge of moving the stacks of books that had to be relocated, while Linhardt sorted them and separated those that needed some sort of repair. It was when she left a new stack of books on the side of the table they were occupying without much care, when Edelgard felt a little bump on her back. She turned to find Linhardt extending to her a book he had been carrying with him these past few days.

"The times when I can't sleep are few, but when it happens, I spend my time reading”.

Edelgard took in her hands the heavy, leather-covered tome, it had lost most of the gold with which it had been embedded. Its title could no longer be read. She began to read random pages while Linhardt summarized the plot. It told the adventures of a hero trying to return home, with the people he loved. When Edelgard turned the book, she noticed some notes that protruded a little through its pages and that clearly didn’t belong there, they were made of a much newer paper. It wasn’t difficult for her to recognize Linhardt's tiny and neat calligraphy adorning each one.

"Those are notes I wrote about passages that I found especially interesting”, the boy spoke in a monotonous tone, any other person would confuse it with disinterest or reluctance, but Edelgard had known him for years, she knew that Linhardt wouldn’t go that far if it wasn’t important to him. "We can compare reflections or ideas once you finish it”.

It took her a whole week to finish it. Some of those days, she woke up earlier than usual, not because of her nightmares, but because she was anxious to know what happened to the protagonist.

* * *

They had received news of an attack by the Kingdom on one of the caravans traveling to the northwest border with supplies for the nearby towns. It was a minor blow, but effective. And the nightmares returned, this time with more faces. Sometimes the other members of the Black Eagles accompanied the soldiers to give them support, even a couple of times she herself had acted as bodyguard. Edelgard realized, on those occasions, how close the people she loved so much was of not returning, and then her mind inevitably turned to those who failed to do so. The posterior encounter with the families was always heartbreaking, to listen to their cries, the confused questions of the little ones, to bear the sight of those who were not sure if the life of their relatives was worth the cause of their Emperor. When Edelgard returned to her quarters, it was impossible for her not to think of all the lives it would cost the path she had decided to travel.

A knock on the door of her room, something more energetic than she was used to, brought her back to the present. She was not really surprised to discover that they belonged to Caspar. Regardless of what time of the day it was, the boy always overflowed vigor. And, apparently, that didn’t exclude those hours of the night.

"Since neither of us can sleep, an idea occurred to me”. Edelgard found the contrast between the kind smile Caspar offered her and the pair of training axes in his hands curious. "Ladislava told me that the knight’s hall is available at all times”.

Some soldiers had gathered to watch the fight, sometimes they even dared to encourage one or another contender. Edelgard's technique with the axe was recognized among all the soldiers, in her days as a student there were no few tournaments she won on behalf of the Black Eagles. But the same could be said of Caspar, his lack of technique was compensated with impressive power in each of his swings. His movements were more impetuous, less strategic, but they managed to break through his opponent’s defense, sometimes even getting her to back off. The clash of the axes echoed in the hall, while the sand that their feet raised kept floating at a low altitude. When it seemed that one was finally going to prevail, the other responded with an even more implacable movement or managed to dodge the attack at the last moment. Thus, they continued their fray for a long time. Although the spectators were not aware of it, the two could notice in each other how their frustrations reflected in their blows, their desire to become even stronger by the pression on their muscles. Surely, Caspar thought of those soldiers who had perished, all newly enlisted, very young, just with some training sessions on top. On the other hand, Edelgard remained somewhat angry. She knew very well that there was no way to change the past or turn back time, she didn't have that kind of power. She could only learn more, train more, be more prepared for each attack.

Would it have made a difference if she had been faster, stronger, more resilient?

Perhaps her beloved teacher would continue to be by her side if she...

An exclamation of surprise followed by silence came upon the spectators when the handle of Caspar's axe burst into pieces after an attack that came into direct contact with Edelgard's own axe. The head of the damaged weapon fell to the ground, useless. And before Edelgard could ask her opponent if he was well, Caspar let out one of those screams that would surely be heard in great part of the monastery at that hour.

"Agh! Sometimes I forget that these are not as resistant as the weapons we usually use”, it was frustration that stained his words, but despite that Caspar smiled at her. "I still had some tricks up my sleeve, you know".

"I have no doubt about it. Maybe we can continue later, but I think it’s time to return”, Edelgard gave Caspar a squeeze on one of his shoulders, before handing her axe to one of the soldiers at the entrance and begin walking toward the door.

"You can bet on it. Don’t worry about me! I’ll stay here a little longer”, the rest of the soldiers approached Caspar to comment on some moments of the fight. Edelgard was glad to see the closeness the boy had achieved with those who made up the battalions, even if that was a double-edged sword. Many of those faces would not survive the war.

After taking a bath she returned to her room. The rest of the night Edelgard didn’t dream, her body was too exhausted. The next day her muscles ached anyway, but it was a price she would happily pay for that temporary tranquility.

* * *

That night it was Edelgard who found herself outside one of the rooms, knocking on the door, not sure of what to do next. She was in the middle of the third book that Linhardt had recommended her when she heard the sobs coming from the hallway. She set the book aside and ventured through the second floor, listening carefully for the person to whom that contained cry belonged. This is how she ended up in front of Petra's room.

They hadn’t had a real chance to have a conversation since what happened months ago, or at least none that didn’t involve discussing the current situation of the war or the internal affairs of the monastery. A new stifled sob reached her ears, somewhat louder than before, so she knocked on the door to announce her presence and waited for Petra's response, which soon arrived.

“You can pass…”, Petra suddenly sat up when she saw her appear, letting out a groan and taking one of her hands to the place where the spear stabbed her long ago. Before looking away, Edelgard could see the blush that appeared in the princess's cheeks, after all, only bandages covered her wound, while her torso remained naked. "Edelgard, I thought...".

"My apologies. I didn't mean… I heard…”, a new groan urged her to look again at Petra, who had partly covered herself with her sheets and still pressed one of her hands against the bandages. Her eyes were slightly swollen, and she kept her brow furrowed, surely to contain the tears that still wanted to fall. "I was wondering if I could help you, if you needed anything..."

"You show great kindness, Edelgard”, Petra moved a little to the side, and before laying again on her bed, she made a sign to the newcomer to sit on the edge of the bed. “I was having a bad night. I hope I haven't given you much concern”.

"Manuela informed us of the seriousness of your injury”, the lump in her throat was preventing the words to come out as she intended, so she pronounced them almost to herself. "I'm really sorry, Petra”.

Edelgard remembered going to the infirmary immediately once they returned to the monastery. Linhardt had managed to keep Petra alive throughout the journey from the territories of Charon, but Manuela had to intervene in order to better stabilize her. Petra spent a couple of days unconscious, and the rest of the week resting in her room. At the time, Edelgard thought they would talk about what happened once Petra recovered a little more, but that week transformed into a month, and then an entire season.

"I haven't thanked you enough for saving my life”, Petra entwined her fingers with hers, and although she couldn't feel her skin directly due to the gloves, she could perceive a genuine warmth. Edelgard swallowed, she had a lot to say, but the words lost their way before reaching her lips. "It was my fault, I wasn’t in optimal condition, and that cost us... a lot”, she finally said.

Petra caressed with her thumb the hand she was holding and squeezed it lightly to get Edelgard's attention. When she met Petra's eyes, she couldn't look away again. The eyes of the future queen of Brigid reflected such a deep strength, an impeccable sincerity, despite the marks that dry tears left on her cheeks.

"Dying in this war is not within my plans…", Edelgard had the impression that the sentence died abruptly in the face of new twinges of cutting pain. Petra instinctively squeezed her hand, before relaxing again and continuing. “But neither it’s letting my friends die. If it's in my hands, hell itself will fall on whoever tries it”.

Petra's honesty had always been a trait that Edelgard appreciated.

“Oh, Edie! I didn’t imagine that we could have visitors!”

Dorothea's voice startled her, she didn't expect to see her awake at that time of the night. She got up by inertia, thinking about excusing herself, but the girl told her that there was no problem with keeping them company. Edelgard sat down again on the edge of the bed while silently watching the scene unfolding in front of her. Dorothea brought with her a bowl of hot water and a few clean cloths, which she placed on the floor beside the bed before approaching the desk chair so she could sit next to Petra.

"I will need you to uncover a little, my dear”, Petra sat up carefully, obeying without complaint. Then, Dorothea's attention returned to Edelgard. "I hope this doesn't bother you, Edie, but Petra is having a somewhat complicated night."

"Not at all...", was the only thing that she managed to articulate.

Dorothea smiled at her, before focusing her attention again on Petra. She carefully removed the bandages until they revealed the scar that, although already closed, still looked somewhat reddish and recent. Before continuing, Dorothea contemplated the wound for a few seconds, and ran a pair of her fingers along its extension in the side of Petra’s chest. After this, she took one of the cloths she had brought with her, soaked it in water, from which a significant amount of steam still rose, and delicately began to clean the sensitive sector of skin. Petra bit her lower lip and her hands clenched into fists, imprisoning part of the sheets on them. Edelgard didn’t know exactly why, but without thinking twice she caressed one of Petra's hands, urging her to hold hers and squeeze it if she needed to. The princess was quick to take her fingers between hers and hold them firmly, while Dorothea continued with the cleaning.

"It won’t take much longer, promise", Dorothea announced quietly, before getting up and approaching the cupboard to her right, where she opened one of the drawers and extracted a small copper box, simple in design. When she returned to her seat, Edelgard could see that inside was some kind of ointment. "I forgot the name of the plant, but Manuela cultivates them in the greenhouse and, as she told us, they help relieve the pain," she explained.

That said, Dorothea proceeded to apply a little amount of the substance along the scar, which caused Petra to whimper. When she made sure that she had covered it in its entirety, she took the new bandages that were kept on the desk at the side of the bed and began to cover the wound again. Petra released Edelgard's hand so she could help, holding the bandages in place.

Edelgard watched them carefully, not understanding why she felt a strange oppression in her chest seeing that unexpected intimacy. Now that the pain had subsided to some extent, Petra's body seemed somewhat more relaxed, especially whenever Dorothea's fingers brushed her bare skin. When the songstress finished her work, the two women shared a complicit smile. Dorothea leaned forward to kiss Petra's forehead and caress her cheek with one of her hands. Petra leaned in that gesture, wanting to extend it for a few more seconds, then took that same hand in one of hers and kissed her palm, leaving a brief kissing path from that place to the wrist. Dorothea's cheeks blushed in a delicate carmine before helping Petra to dressed herself again.

The tightness in her chest was accentuated, and Edelgard feared it would begin to become evident in her expression. That emptiness that she hadn’t been able to get rid of in all this time, which only seemed to weigh more with each new month without news of her professor’s whereabouts and took root so deeply in her heart that she was already beginning to wonder if it would consume it completely. It was a strange sensation, she knew how to deal with rage, with pain, with the helplessness feeling that her past caused her. But this... this pain was sharp and hit her in the most unexpected moments. It was also contradictory to the point of despair. Why did she feel she was short of breath, when she could breathe perfectly? Why did she feel that abysmal oppression in her chest even when she took off her armor?

"Now that I know you're in good hands, Petra, maybe the best is that I return to my room”.

It was Dorothea's hand on her wrist that stopped her.

"These beds are not the most spacious, but you can stay, Edie”.

Someday she will have to learn to say no to Dorothea, but she would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that it sounded tempting. She didn’t resist and the other two girls smiled, pleased. Petra carefully stuck to the wall, making enough space for the other two. Dorothea told Edelgard that she could be in the middle if she was good with that. Feeling a little out of place, she climbed onto the bed, followed by Dorothea, who settled beside her and briefly caressed Petra's cheek before hugging Edelgard by the waist. A few years ago, perhaps she would have considered all this more than improper and even ridiculous, but after all that had happened since their years as students, the truth was that what was really ridiculous was to worry about customs, protocol and, above all, the social status that differentiated them under the old laws. That was the world she intended to leave behind. The one she wished to build was strongly based on relationships formed between equals. Away from so many chains.

They weren’t aware of the time they spent chatting quietly, a conversation inaudible to anyone other than the three of them. They talked about their childhoods, although Edelgard kept for herself the darkest passages of hers. Petra mentioned certain traditions of Brigid, explained the reason behind her many tattoos, that until that night Edelgard didn’t know covered great part of her body. She even described her grandmother's food, which she missed so much. Petra also narrated a couple of legends, of heroes of humble origin and benevolent goddesses. And, although Edelgard wasn’t a believer, she liked to hear stories where the protagonists forged their own destiny. Stories with happy endings despite the sacrifices. For her part, Dorothea told them what little she remembered of the different courts she visited when her mother was still alive. How the doors of the nobleman her mother had served closed in her face when she died. She spoke about how difficult it was those years living in the streets, from shelter to shelter, going through a couple of orphanages, some convents, until she reached Enbarr. There, she subsisted thanks to the coins that her voice gave her, until the day Manuela saw her singing at the main square’s fountain.

Edelgard enjoyed feeling their warmth, hearing their voices so close. She felt like nothing bad could happen while they remained in each other arms. It was in the middle of the story about one of the most popular operas starring Manuela, that Dorothea was happy to tell since Edelgard had told them that it was the only performance of the Mittlefrank Opera Company she had ever attended, when Petra fell asleep. The two kept silent for a moment, appreciating the calm expression that bathed the princess's face. Dorothea carefully ran her fingers through Petra's loose hair, telling Edelgard that those moments of peace were her favorites. Edelgard was tempted to ask Dorothea about the nature of their relationship, but at the end she chose to not say anything, after all, it wasn’t really her business. And whatever it was, it made her happy to know that those she loved so much had found mutual refuge amid so much death and destruction.

"Edie, you were our leader in the Academy, now you are our Emperor, but that isn’t the only reason we follow you, you know that, right?", Dorothea whispered very close to her ear, while she kept playing with Petra's hair, being careful not to wake her up. “Each one of us believes in your cause, in your capacity to lead us to a better tomorrow. You always treated us as equals, seeing our human value over the titles we were carrying or not behind our backs... But above all that, you are our friend, dear to us all”.

"My path was drawn before me from the moment I was born, Dorothea”, she spoke slowly, determined to keep her voice from breaking. “And I decided to make my life mission to free ourselves from the chains that for so many centuries have only caused pain in Fódlan. But I haven’t made real progress, despite the victories, I can only think of the losses we have suffered, the ones we could suffer in the future... I am lost”.

"We all knew that it would not be easy, we all had a moment of doubt in that tomb, you know… but it completely vanished when our teacher stood between you and Rhea”, Dorothea's tone was somewhat quieter, as if the two were remembering that specific moment. When that woman looked her directly in the eyes and saw in them something worth defending, something worth of facing an ancient power, a divine beast; when Byleth looked directly into Edelgard's eyes and saw in them a future for which she would put her life at stake. “Edie, haven't you thought about what will happen to you after the war? If we achieve what we strive for, when the old standards fall, when you find a worthy successor that takes the continent to a time of peace, what will become of Edelgard? Just... Edelgard".

She didn't want to think about it, about the future she had also managed to glimpse when she looked in Byleth's eyes. So, Edelgard didn't answer, not because she didn't want to, but because she simply didn't have an answer.

"You know, Petra is teaching me her mother tongue, do you want to listen to a traditional Brigid song?"

Thus, Dorothea sang lullabies to her with the sweetest voice she had heard, until finally the dream took hold of her.

* * *

It had been five years. They felt eternal, full of nightmares, although over time she was able to deal with most of them, as she did before. But the image Edelgard could never leave behind, the one to which her heart clung to an unusual stubbornness, was that of her teacher's face.

For many, she was always a somewhat distant and inexpressive figure, even evoking fear in those who had only seen her deploy her power on the battlefield. The mercenary child of a captain of legends. But Edelgard remembered other instances, many of them casual; the slight curvature in her teacher’s lips when something the students caused seemed funny to her or when she felt genuine happiness, the slight blush that covered her cheeks when something embarrassed her or in the middle of some conversation they were having, although Edelgard never knew the exact reason for her sudden shyness. The attention with which she listened to her father's words, or the way she frowned slightly when one of the lessons went wrong, but never made anyone feel bad, because her eyes were full of understanding. Everyone adored those little pats on the back that each of them received, giving them courage to continue perfecting their technique. It was amazing the faith she had in them, until the last moment. And, although Edelgard didn’t usually visit the cathedral much, she remembers perfectly the morning she approached her teacher, who was sitting on the main stairs, and listened to the practice of the choir at her side. Thus, many remember her only for her exploits in battle, for how their enemies fell before her in one or two strikes of her sword, but no one wonders why those who belonged to her class followed her without hesitation when she decided to betray the Church... Few witnessed her true character, every time she set foot on the enemy's battlefield, the way she led the attack, enduring much of the blows and acting as their defense so that they could gain experience, teaching them how to use the terrain in their favor and supporting each other so that no one falls into battle. Although the objective of each mission was important, her highest priority was always to protect her students, regardless of the cost she had to pay.

There were too many things, impossible to list them all.

That is why, when she saw her face that day in the Goddess Tower, exactly as she remembered it from five years ago, Edelgard wondered for a moment if her mind wouldn’t be playing a cruel joke, if the weight of her sins and decisions finally made her go insane, if that possible vision wasn’t the ghostly manifestation of that future that, she was convinced, could never be.

But then, a joke. A simple joke, like those of yesterday.

No, definitely, Edelgard couldn’t invent something like that.

Her voice sounded so sweet to her ears, her casual intonation was like the water of a spring creeping through the cracks in the walls she had raised, bringing life to the desert in which her soul was lost. Edelgard’s hands longed to hold her, her lips only wanted to kiss those cheeks and feel their warmth. And at the same time... She felt that the pain accumulated during those long years was going to overflow at any moment. It was a day to celebrate, but also her heart longed to share how much she had suffered walking that path without her beloved teacher by her side.

When Edelgard had the courage to verify that it wasn’t an apparition, she surrounded her with her arms, firmly, and refused to let her go for long minutes. She wanted to remember forever the moment when the skin of her cheek touched hers, when she felt again the characteristic aroma of this person. Engrave in her memory how the shape of their bodies fit perfectly. She could feel the way her teacher's chest rose and fell with each breath, and in her mind, she couldn't stop exclaiming that she was there, that she had returned, that she was finally at her side. Then, she felt Byleth's hands on her back, her strong arms surrounding her, erasing the remaining distance between them; it was the first time in years that, for a few seconds, the weight on her shoulders disappeared and time resumed its course.

And just like five years ago, Byleth assured her that her feelings and resolve remained the same.

Edelgard guided her teacher to the advisory room, where the others were. It was almost like going back to their days as students. Obviously, everyone had changed in different ways over the years, but the love for her teacher had never declined. Caspar ran towards Byleth as soon as she saw her enter the room, giving her a hug, almost making her fall in the process, finally lifting her a few inches off the ground. Petra gave Caspar a small hit to the head before greeting her, as formal as ever. The others hurried after them, equally surprised, most of them with big smiles on their faces. Bernadetta took one of Byleth's hands in hers and it seemed that she would begin to cry at any moment, but she held back her emotions and instead gave the greatest of smiles to the newcomer. Dorothea caressed one of the teacher’s cheeks and gave her a little pinch in reprimand for having disappeared all those years. Meanwhile, Ferdinand squeezed one of her shoulders; on his face, Byleth recognized the relief of seeing her alive. She was also surprised to notice how even Linhardt had left forgotten the book he was reading at the table behind them. Hubert bowed to her, and although she couldn't tell if his smile was due to her return or how favorable it was for their future, it didn't matter. Perhaps what she felt in her chest, the joy of see them all safe, was because she realizes how the war and the years had changed them, but that deep down they were still her students.

That evening, they celebrated well into the night.

As they retired from the dining hall, everyone headed for their bedrooms chatting loudly, as if tomorrow were still far away, and Byleth said goodbye to each one of them at the foot of the stairs that led to the second floor. Edelgard had only climbed a couple of steps when she stopped. There was the face that had been the protagonist of so many of her dreams and nightmares, a few meters away, wishing her a quiet night before retiring to her own room.

"Wait...", even she was surprised at her pleading voice.

Byleth watched her, curious. Edelgard had forgotten the way her heart beat every time that penetrating gaze had her full attention. She went down a few steps, almost reaching the bottom of the stairs, without descending completely. The times when her face had been at the same height of that of the other woman were just a few, and for a moment she forgot that her teacher expected her to continue speaking. Meanwhile, Edelgard only wanted a few more seconds to appreciate the woman's features in the moonlight.

"Your room has been unoccupied for many years, it has to be cleaned before it can be used again”, it was not a lie really, a layer of dust had settled on the bed and furniture that was difficult to ignore, after all, the occasions in which any of them had entered the place were counted.

She could see that she had put Byleth in a little bind.

"What room should I occupy, then?", Edelgard couldn't believe it, it really was as if those five years had not passed. "The rooms of the other students must be in the same condition..."

"Stay with me...", Edelgard swallowed, she could feel her face blush. She had the urgent need to turn around and run upstairs, as if those words hadn’t escaped her lips. But, on the other hand, her heart waited expectantly for the answer, pounding against her chest. "My teacher, please, keep me company tonight”.

The answer came in the form of a hug, something different from what they had shared hours ago. Slow, ethereal, of those who are given for the simple pleasure of feeling in each other's arms. Edelgard let her arms rest on Byleth's shoulders and sank part of her face into the space next to her teacher’s neck. She smiled. She smelled like lemongrass.

"Still not convinced that I am real?", it wasn’t a moment for jokes, but they both laughed. "I don't plan to go anywhere, I'm exactly where I want to be”, Byleth felt the tears that Edelgard had failed to contain breaking against her skin. "I am exactly with the person I yearned to be with..."

Those beds weren’t the most spacious, as all those assigned to the students of the Academy, but it didn’t matter. That night the two slept embracing each other, without separating at any time, enjoying the warmth of their bodies reunited. The nightmares didn’t appear this time. And for the first time in years, Edelgard wished it would take a little longer for the next day to arrive.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any grammatical error. English is not my first language.


End file.
